I can absolutely identify with what you’ve written. The need for the internet fix is always there, waiting for us, one “New Tab” away. It’s that easy.

Now learning the art of not being motivated by the need for approval is a lifelong job. But hey, it’s a great job to work at.

Now I suck at it… for now I’m almost pleased that (in my imagination) this post itself will be pleasing to you and you will agree with me.

: )

And yes, though it sounds pathetic, seeing that it’s a vicious circle that never ends is part of the cure.

“Hi, my name is Gaston and I’m addicted to praise.”

I’m too young to know Dean Allen as well as the people whose links led me to Dean Allen, but from what I’ve read he’s got an intimidating talent. Certainly he’s one of the rare Internet Writers whose style’s got “How did he wring that out?” moments. Perhaps this is wrong, but because of that I feel a need to pay attention to his words more than to those of any of the fellows disagreeing with him — particularly because the context of this shutting down is so unusual, and because his motivation is so unexpected.

I know that every time I’ve entered a competition or even a simple ranking with anybody over anything it’s instantly sparked negative emotions toward that person. The more popular that competition becomes, the harsher my feelings get. And Favrd was a favorite, both for the elite design crowd you fit into, and for the younger semihipster subset. So I have no hard time believing Dean on this one.

I think that what he did was honorable. He knows the people of Favrd better than any of us did. If he says there was upfuckery, he’s probably right — and he’s got no reason to lie.

These might well relate to your income and ability to feed your family than whether you *matter* to strangers.

I also think that if one doesn’t at least take into account how one is viewed by society (in general or in particular), it can also be bad. Getting all your approval online from strangers is bad but so is ignoring the “reality check” that others can give you.

I’ll dive in here: You posted this. I’ve never met you, but I responded to what you were saying. Maybe a third person will pick up the thread? Ripples go out…. ripples return. Who knows if any of it really “matters”, but it certainly could! And think — none of this would have happened if you hadn’t posted. ( ‘Atta boy!’, by the way. ;) )

Of course in the final analysis, every medium or community is a temporary thing…. and, when viewed through that lens, it’s hard to take any of it too seriously. But that doesn’t mean that it’s just “fast food” or pointless gratification — just part of a well-balanced ego diet.

As you were getting at, relying upon the approval of strangers alone for your sense of worth is probably not going to be the most successful life strategy. And yet, I think it’s important to leave yourself open to it to some degree. Strangers tell us things our closest friends might feel reluctant to. Strangers notice those good qualities in us that our close friends may take for granted over time. A stranger who, while passing by you, can bring a smile to your face or maybe a slightly different way to look at something… well, in my mind, this is no small achievement.

Sure — it’s different than the deep feeling that comes from earning the respect of people that you know and admire. Lasting friendships and fleeting moments of camaraderie aren’t *equally* valuable, but maybe they’re equally *valuable*.

Since it’s December, I’ll try to work in a “George Bailey” reference as well (if your comment-reading credulity will allow it!) In my 2009 remake entitled “It’s a Delicious Life”, Wil Shipley’s 310.9 MB of digital assets certainly aren’t the sole measure of his influence — the Tweets count as well. The forum posts where he demonstrates the way he chooses to do business while being true to himself? Add it to the pile. Twitter postings, comments on a blog, and even exceptionally well-written (and affordable!) apps — detritus in the “big picture” scheme of things, but still part of the residue our lives leave on the world. Blog links are nice but, regardless of how many he gets, Wil’s still had a Wonderful Life, you know?

I realize, however, that the world is not made up solely of “lasting friendships and camaraderie”. Recently, someone sent me a link to a site called “lamebook”: After viewing a few pages, I felt like leaving a scrawled note, a la Colonel Kurtz in “Apocalypse Now!” imploring someone to call in an airstrike on my position. This is also the world we live in. People are often dumb…. or worse. Lots of noise gets through while we each listen for our own signal. The static is annoying, but it’s part of the deal.

As both the Favrd shutdown and my tenuous Capra metaphor suggest, the ripples we send out in this life are probably beyond our personal control or estimation. I fully support Dean Allen deciding to turn off his radio when he didn’t like what he was hearing. I also support his right to smash his radio, if that’s what he chooses to do with it. I even think that he is right that it’s a “…logical fallacy that one’s identity meaning – self-worth, self-image, whatever you want to call it – can accurately be measured in the thoughts of others.”

But it leaves me with this question — Can you actually measure it accurately *without it* either?

-W

BTW, I think RTs are coming to replace favorites. I know I care more when I see people retweeting junk of mine, and I RT others more often than I used to before it was changed. I’ve also discovered that, over the long term, most people I’ve followed for funny one-liners usually aren’t great at dialogue, and now they’re being moved to my RSS reader instead. Which means they’d get less feedback anyway, I guess. (But if they won’t reply, they’re not listening anyway)